The Radical Nature of Forgiveness*

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." (Ephesians 4:32)

Learning to Forgive

 

    Forgiveness is something that I've struggled with most of my life. Having been abandoned by my father at an early age, I spent my teenage years fighting loneliness and depression, wondering why he didn't want me. The one short period of written correspondence with him when I was fourteen ended with a letter from him saying that he didn't think I was ready for a relationship and to call him when I was eighteen. It's hard to say what words like that do to a fourteen year old boy. One thing is sure, though: they are good fuel for bitterness.

    In August, 2008 I got a phone call from one of my sisters informing me that my dad was in the hospital and would not live much longer. All of my siblings would be travelling to see him before he died and she wanted me to come, too. I knew that this day would arrive sooner or later, but I didn't know how hard it would be when it did.

    I remember sitting on the living room couch, talking to another of my sisters. If I went to see him, I would have to address my bitterness and even the hate that had grown in my heart for this man. I could no longer pretend that he was a figment, a phantom from another life. It had been 24 years since I had seen him. If I saw him now, I would have to forgive him – but how? So I sat there, and I wept.

Bad Advice on Forgiveness

   

    I've heard a lot of advice about forgiveness over the years. It generally goes something like this: "Christians are supposed to forgive because they have been forgiven," or, "You need to forgive them but you don't have to like them." To be honest, I've tried to implement these suggestions in trying to forgive but I've always found them to be lacking. They just don't do justice to the radical nature of forgiveness that the Bible talks about. I never experienced the freedom that I've heard about from others who have learned to forgive. The more I tried to do what I was told, and the more I considered what the Bible teaches, the more I found these expressions to be painfully insufficient.

    The nature of biblical forgiveness is so radical that it requires something beyond me. If I am ever really to forgive, I will need some outside help. I simply don't have it in me to forgive the way that the Bible tells me to forgive. In my own strength, I will never be able to heal from the pain caused by the offense. And each time I am reminded of the offense, the pain comes along with it. I am caught in a cycle of hurt and bitterness with no opportunity for an exit. The suggestions that I can simply decide to forgive because I have been forgiven or that I may forgive while not addressing the broken relationship require no outside assistance. They appeal to a wrong motive and leave me with something less than genuine forgiveness.

Genuine Biblical Forgiveness

    I am told to consider how much I've been forgiven and use that as the measure of how I forgive others. The problem with this is that when I look to myself, I'm not inclined to think about my own sin on the same scale as I measure the wrong done to me by others. My first reaction is not to consider the grace that I have received and see it as sufficient to allow me to forgive others. I am usually blinded by the wrong done to me and the pain that it has inflicted.

    I am told that forgiveness requires only that I let go of my own hurt. This seems like a noble thing, but again, it doesn't measure up to biblical forgiveness. There are three Greek words that are translated "forgive." Two of them (apoluō and aphiēmi) speak of releasing, sending away, or cutting off. This seems to fit with the idea of "letting go of my hurt." But the object of these words is always the person who has offended, and not the feelings of the one who received the offense. It is not my feelings that need to be let go, but the one who wronged me. I need to release him from any obligation to repay or recompense for the wrong done.

    The other Greek word translated "forgive" is charizomai. It shows what forgiveness is in more positive terms. It means to "show favor" or "give freely", as even our English translation implies. The kind of forgiveness that focuses only on letting go of bitterness is not biblical forgiveness because it doesn't give anything. It is not concerned about the well being of the one who offended me. It has no intention of giving grace. It is only concerned with freeing me from my own weight. Genuine forgiveness actually does something for the offender; and it does it freely without any expectation of return.

Forgive Like God

    The Bible does not allow forgiveness to be self-centered, either in its motive or its aim. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul says that we are to forgive "as God in Christ forgave" us. Again, our first inclination is to hear Paul saying, "Forgive because God forgave you." But that is not what Paul is saying. The little word "as" (kathōs) carries tremendous meaning in the Greek. It means "to the degree that" or "in the manner that". So Paul is saying, "You must forgive one another to the same extent and in the same manner that God forgave you." This blows our petty understanding of forgiveness apart.

    When God forgave us, He did not simply let go of the bitterness that He felt toward us. He also showed favor to us. He took those who had sinned against Him and brought them into relationship. He made them His children and promised to bless them in extraordinary ways. In doing so, God said "Not only do I forgive you, but I also like you." The goal of God's forgiveness is a restored relationship.

    That is the extent of God's forgiveness; the extent to which Paul says we are to forgive. How are we to do this? We find it difficult enough to extend a defective form of forgiveness. How are we to forgive in this radical way? The answer lies in the manner in which God forgave us. 

The Cross –the Key to Radical Forgiveness

 

    How did God forgive us? Obviously, God could not use the forgiveness that He received as motivation for the forgiveness he offers. Nor was it simply that He decided to stop being angry with sinners. God forgave us in Christ. He crushed His own Son in our place. For God, Jesus Christ bleeding and dying on a cross is the reason, the motivation, and the power for forgiveness. When He considers my guilt, He looks to Christ, who took the punishment for my sin, and pardons me.

    Here is the key to radical forgiveness. Paul says, "Forgive as God in Christ forgave you." If I am to pursue reconciliation with the one who has wronged me, the only place I can look to find my motivation is the cross of Jesus Christ. And when I look, I must ask: "Is Christ a sufficient Savior for this person? Is His death sufficient to cover over the guilt of his sin? Has this person's sin exhausted the grace that was purchased by His blood?" For those who have tasted the sweetness of being forgiven on the basis of a crucified Christ, the answer is always "Christ is enough."

    The nature of forgiveness is so radical that it requires a radical motive. How can I forgive my father for abandoning me, for causing me not to know myself because I didn't know him? How can I let go of 24 years of hurt? I can't look to myself; I would only find bitterness. I can't look to my father; I would only see guilt. I must look to the cross and find satisfaction.

    I don't know whether my father embraced Christ before he died, but I do know that if he did, he was completely forgiven, the penalty for his sins paid. The cross that was sufficient to cover his sins is still sufficient to heal the hurts that those sins cause me. That's the radical nature of forgiveness.

* (This article is a revision of one that I posted last year. I made this revision in order to submit the article for publication. I felt that it was worth a re-post since it is something that I need to be reminded of frequently.)